WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS – the way we think has been created and molded through our experiences whether they are positive or negative.  If we have been subjected to a painful childhood, oppressive or critical relationships or difficulties with our physical health, then frequently these affect our way of thinking, how we look at others, life situations and the world in general.

How do we develop a different way of looking at the world?  It sounds like a huge, almost impossible task – but it isn’t.  It really is possible to very gradually change the negative way of thinking which has been with us for many years, and may perhaps be driving us slightly crazy,  taking away our ability to enjoy the present moment. How is this possible?  It is through slow, small but strong steps and begins with developing a more gentle approach to ourselves.

Some people call this ‘loving kindness’ but this may put you off as this thought may trigger in you the following kinds of thinking:

"I don’t deserve any kindness, I’m a bad person …”

“I’m past help”

“I don’t need it, its everyone else who is the problem”

“Being kind to myself may make me arrogant and others will reject me”

There may be many such thoughts but these are born from years of conditioning. An amazing and humble man, Paul Gilbert, has written about these struggles with ourselves in his book ‘The Compassionate Mind’.  He gives special attention to ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ and helps us to understand that, by gently developing kindness towards ourselves, we are then in a stronger and more confident place to relate to others. An example of being kind is simply by saying to ourselves “I’m doing the best I can” in situations where you may have been highly critical of yourself for not achieving the high standards that you may have set yourself.